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The Defenestration of Blog

My blog has killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car.


2.28.2005

my neighborhood has missile defense and your's doesn't

According to Drudge, the town just south of mine now has surface to air missiles. Montgomery County, MD is officially the safest county in America!



Missile Launcher Installed in D.C. Suburb
Mon Feb 28 2005 20:46:09 ET

A large, drab green missile launcher aimed vigilantly skyward has become one of the more distinctive landmarks in the Washington suburb of Bethesda, Md.

The launcher claims a commanding position on the lawn at the U.S. Naval Surface Warfare Center's Carderock facility, a science and engineering center overlooking the Potomac River, the WASHINGTON POST will report on Tuesday.

The six non-nuclear missiles in the launcher could ``counter an inbound threat.''

Opinions about the upscale neighborhood's newest security system have varied.

jews for cheeses!

created by yours truly, of course

2.25.2005

peace in the middle east

Last night I ate dinner at my favorite Lebanese place. The family at the next table was speaking Hebrew. Isn't that nice?

2.24.2005

crazy day

after a morning and early afternoon of being in slow motion, i just ate an apple and I am now hyper. Really hyper. Spinning-around-in-my-chair hyper.

from the "just when you thought you'd heard everything" department

http://cbs2chicago.com/cooler/local_story_055110537.html

Man Can Sue Woman For Sperm Theft Distress
A woman accused of using her lover's sperm to impregnate herself without his knowledge can be held liable for the unwitting father's emotional pain, the Illinois Appellate Court has ruled.

In the ruling released Wednesday, a three-judge panel reinstated part of a lawsuit against Sharon Irons, a doctor from Olympia Fields. The ruling sends the case back to Cook County Circuit Court.

Irons was sued by her former lover, Chicago family physician Richard O. Phillips, who accused her of a "calculated, profound personal betrayal" of him after a brief affair they had six years ago.

Phillips alleges that he and Irons, who practices internal medicine, never had intercourse during their four-month affair, although they did have oral sex three times.

His suit contends that Irons, without his knowledge, kept some of his semen and used it to impregnate herself.

The relationship ended when Phillips learned Irons had lied to him about being recently divorced and was, in fact, still married to another doctor, according to court documents.

Nearly two years later, Irons slapped Phillips with a paternity suit. DNA tests showed Phillips was indeed the father, court papers state.

Phillips was ordered to pay about $800 a month in child support, said Irons' attorney, Enrico Mirabelli.

Phillips then sued Irons, claiming her actions robbed him of sleep and caused him to have trouble eating. He is haunted by "feelings of being trapped in a nightmare," court papers state.

Irons responded that her alleged actions weren't "truly extreme and outrageous" and that Phillips' pain wasn't bad enough to merit a lawsuit. The circuit court agreed and dismissed Phillips' suit in 2003.

But the higher court ruled that, if Phillips' story is true, Irons "deceitfully engaged in sexual acts, which no reasonable person would expect could result in pregnancy, to use plaintiff's sperm in an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences."

But the judges agreed with the lower court's decision to dismiss fraud and theft claims against Irons.

They agreed with Irons' lawyers that she didn't steal the sperm.

"She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift -- an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee," the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."


Note to self: draft contract before blow job.

2.23.2005

the most random thing

I have determined the most random thing of all time. Remember Mortal Kombat II? In addition to the standard finishing moves, you could also enter a code to trigger something called a babality. It causes your vanquished opponent to revert to his baby body and the narrator voice proclaims it a BABALITY!

2.22.2005

snipers wanted

http://reuters.myway.com/article/20050222/2005-02-22T201215Z_01_L22608092_RTRIDST_0_NEWS-POPE-BOOK-DC.html
Pope Calls Gay Marriage Part of 'Ideology of Evil'


ROME (Reuters) - Homosexual marriages are part of "a new ideology of evil" that is insidiously threatening society, Pope John Paul says in a new book published Tuesday.


Abortion=Holocaust?
In "Memory and Identity," the Pope also calls abortion a "legal extermination" comparable to attempts to wipe out Jews and other groups in the 20th century.


So the human rights movement is the enemy! I knew it!
"It is legitimate and necessary to ask oneself if this is not perhaps part of a new ideology of evil, perhaps more insidious and hidden, which attempts to pit human rights against the family and against man," he writes.

book'em, dan-o!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005082504,00.html

Apparently the British government is forcibly rounding up fatty bo-batties and putting them in the nut house.

2.17.2005

if you see something, say something

I was in the cafeteria at the GWU student center today and noticed a backpack in the garbage can. It seemed like a suspicious place to dispose of a backpack, so i reported it to the front desk.
Paranoid? Perhaps, but you never know.

2.16.2005

i just chuckled

For some reason this 1940s nursery rhyme adaptation popped into my head:

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini bit his weenie
now it doesn't work.

2.15.2005

confession time

I just ate General Tso chicken for lunch.

1000 calories
3000 mg of sodium (yes, thats the correct # of 0s)
66g fat (a whole days worth)

If only somebody had told me beforehand...

China will pay for this.

2.14.2005

looks like chris rock is in a spot of trouble...

http://www.drudgereport.com/flash3cr1.htm
XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX MON FEB 14, 2005 16:07:09 ET XXXXX

OSCAR HOST CHRIS ROCK SHOCK: ABORTION IN AMERICA IS 'BEAUTIFUL'

Shock Oscar host Chris Rock recently declared that abortion in the United States is a "beautiful thing!"

"Abortion, it's beautiful, it's beautiful abortion is legal. I love going to an abortion rally to pick up women, cause you know they are f**king," Rock said during his club routine.

Veteran members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences have grown concerned over the choice of Chris Rock to represent the Academy before a worldwide audience, well-placed insiders claim.

"This is not who we are," said one top source from Los Angeles.

ROCK'S 35 F-WORDS A MINUTE

Oscar Telecast Producer Gil Cates has tapped Rock to pump up the ratings, but not all member are convinced the controversial Rock will entertain and inspire the audience.

During a recent rant, Rock blasted heartland Americans.

"Weird white guys getting overly patriotic, with their f**king flag hats on," Rock said.

"I am not scare of al Qaeda, I am scare of f**king al Cracker."

One audio recording captures Rock firing off more than 35 F-words per minute!

In the past few weeks, Rock has directed his attention at the Academy awards.

In an interview with ENTERTIANMENT WEEKLY, Rock claimed: "I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show. What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one!"

Rock added: "Awards for art are f---ing idiotic."

Rock late Monday said the comments were taken out of context.

Developing...

2.12.2005

bomb a terrist!

Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, that is

2.11.2005

cracka-ass crackas!

Yesterday I saw Ray, the biopic about Ray Charles. Every time I see a black movie, I end up hating white people for a week or so. One week for a Spike Lee "joint." Two weeks for the really intense movies like Ghosts of Mississippi or Mississippi Burning.

alcohol

Don't drink it.

2.08.2005

i suppose a rising tide does lift all boats

From a DrudgeReport newsflash (the link was only temporary):
Snow fell on Jerusalem for the first time this winter as well as in northern Israel. The cold snap brought heavy snowfall on the Golan Heights, where schools had to be closed for the day.

In Iran, parts of the north of the country and Tehran were paralyzed after being hit by several days of record snowfall, with dozens of flights canceled and key roads also cut off.

State media said up to 1.5 metres (five feet) of snow had fallen in the north over the past few days, the heaviest in at least 10 years.

"After years of drought in some parts of the country, we are witnessing good snowfall," Ali-Mohammad Nourian, the head of Iran's metrological organization, told state television.

"This blessing from God" coincides with celebrations to mark the anniversary of Iran's 1979 Islamic revolution, he said.


So the same Allah willed snow for the Zionist entity in honor of the Iranian revolution?

2.07.2005

my newest moneymaking scheme

The U.S. government gives billions of dollars to farmers and retired farmers in exchange for NOT growing certain crops. I just realized that I've never grown shit, yet I'm being stiffed by Uncle Sam. I demand $3,000,000 in exchange for 22 years of growing the following quantities of crop (claim is indexed against inflation):

Tobacco: 0

Cotton: 0

Corn: 0

Wheat: 0

Oranges: 0

new allergy!!

I just ate a red delicious apple from Washington state and my lips are swollen. My gums feel like they might be a little puffy too. My nose is itchier than usual. The funny thing is that I had a fuji apple for breakfast and was fine...I guess we can add red delicious apples to the allergy and intolerance list:

ragweed

maple pollen

salmon

cockroaches

dust mites

red delicious apples

intolerance: lactose, caffeine, highly acidic beverages, alcohol, cigarette smoke (and by extension of those two: bars and clubs), sugar alcohols (Mallitol, Xylitol, Sorbitol, and Sucralose aka Splenda)

abu gingy has a new career goal

More Sensitive Students

A teacher in Grand Rapids, Mich., who assigned a story with racial slurs in it in a lesson about racial intolerance, has been suspended and may lose her job following complaints from parents, reports the Associated Press.

Patricia Bouwhuis and her seventh grade students read aloud from "Telephone Man," a story about a white boy overcoming the racial prejudices he learned from his father. The story ends with a black student saving the boy from being beat up by a Chinese karate gang.


http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,146552,00.html

Where do I sign up for one of these "Chinese karate gangs?"

2.05.2005

european liberal anti-semitism? surely you jest!

from http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/pages/ShArt.jhtml?itemNo=536344
...there were reports in Britain and at the official web site of the British Labor Party, election campaign messages that smacked of anti-Semitism.
In one poster, two senior politicians from the Conservative Party --Chairman Michael Howard, who is also the opposition's shadow prime minister, and Oliver Letwin, the opposition's shadow chancellor of the exchequer - were depicted as flying pigs. Both are Jews. This week Howard was depicted as Faigin, the haunted Jewish criminal from Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist, the most well-known anti-Semitic stereotype in Britain.

There is no doubt that this is a systematic and sophisticated anti-Semitic campaign, in the style of British understatement. A few weeks ago, Trade Minister Mike O'Brien wrote an article for a Muslim newspaper in which he argued that only Labor will protect Muslim rights and bring about the establishment of a Palestinian state. "Ask yourselves, what will Michael Howard do for the Muslims of Britain? Would his foreign policy aim to help Palestine?" asked O'Brien. A few months earlier, the chairman of the British Labor Party, Ian McCarthy, attacked Letwin for his economic approach and called him a "21st century Faigin."

2.04.2005

abu gingy's thought of the day

People who accuse others' language of being Orwellian tend to be the truly Orwellian types.

Whoops, fell into my own trap.

2.03.2005

if youre ever on capitol hill for a day

You should check out the office of Sherwood Boehlert (R-NY) on the second floor of the Rayburn House Office Building. His district includes Cooperstown, and his office is a shrine to baseball. It's totally sweet. Instead of cushy leather chairs, he has some old seats from Yankee Stadium on loan from the Hall of Fame. The walls have photo murals of old baseball legends. It's unbelievable.

When I got back to my office I did a little research and found out he is quite moderate and very pro-choice. Seems like a cool guy to me.

2.02.2005

darwinist thought of the day

On the DC Metro they have lights on the floor lining the edge of the platform. As a train is pulling into the station, the lights flash. This presumably saves deaf peoples' lives. The result is a distortion in the natural selection process, allowing for the survival of the not-so-fit. (Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with that. That analysis just crossed my mind today...)

reason #5241 why religious fundamentalists are backward

Rabbi probed for circumcised infants' herpes
Baby died from disease after undergoing procedure


...Ten days after Rabbi Yitzhok Fischer performed religious circumcisions on twins last October, one died of herpes and the other tested positive for the virus, according to a complaint filed by the health department in Manhattan Supreme Court...

Under Jewish law, a mohel — someone who performs circumcisions — draws blood from the circumcision wound. Most mohels do it by hand with a suction device, but Fischer uses a practice rare outside strict Orthodox groups where he uses his mouth to draw blood after cutting the foreskin...


http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6898403/

new URL

http://DefenestrationOf.BlogSpot.com has now replaced the old URL for Teleological Non-Sequitur

2.01.2005

socialism has found new ways to prove itself wrong on so many levels

Laughable: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,145969,00.html

Outrageous: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/01/30/wgerm30.xml